Can I Get A Witness

Hehe.  I love saying that.
Ok, so I am going to be honest.  I had no idea what I was going to write on.  I had just decided to not write this week, until the thought of posting my testimony crossed my mind.  I'm sometimes weird about not wanting to share it, not because I am embarrassed about it or anything...I've just always felt weird, don't really know how to explain it.  So I'm going to step out of my comfort zone and share.

I was very blessed to grow up in a Christian home.  We went to church every Sunday we could and Wednesday, and I loved it!  The joke was if the doors were opened, I was there.  Didn't matter if it was Senior Adult Game night...I wanted to be there. At the age of 7, I accepted Christ and was baptized.  I understood as much as a seven year old can about being a Christian...it all being very anti-climatic.  I stayed at a very surface level in my relationship with Christ. 

In junior high, issue began to rise for me.  The days of being a lanky child was over for me and the uncomfortable times of being a teenager rose.  My self esteem took a huge hit, especially when boys noticed all my friends and not me.  I also began to have depression and thoughts of hurting myself.  To this day it still shocks me that my 12 year old self was feeling this.  Junior high pretty much stunk!  But I hid it behind being involved in lots of things.  Though I did confide in my youth group what was going on, I still hid how much a really hurt.

Before I started high school, we got a new youth minister who truly showed my whole youth group what being a Christian meant.  It was truly dying to yourself and living a life that showcased Christ.  I began questioning my salvation.  I even talked with my youth minister about it and "accepted Christ again".  I believe though that it truly was more of a rededication, that accepting Christ when I was 7 was the actual time I became a Christian, but as I grew, my faith and knowledge grew.  It was also around this time I felt God calling me into full time ministry.  I was excited about where I was going and couldn't wait.

While high school was a better experience, I still struggled with depression and self esteem issues.  I really really hated myself, but continuously hid it.   I would confess to people what I was dealing with, and try to get better, but still put a mask on.  It was actually in high school when I cut myself for the first time.  And it scared the mess out of me.  I was so shaken and freaked out over it; I hid in my closet and called my youth minister and his wife.  It truly was like someone else took control of me when I did that.  To this day I know it was Jesus that stepped in and yanked that razor out of my hand...and the other times as well.  I never cut myself deep enough to leave scars, but the emotional scars were there.

I also never dated in high school.  Now, I went to prom my freshman and junior year, but both times were with friends.  It only hit me about a year ago that before I started high school, I actually prayed to God that I didn’t want to get involved in the dating game, that I wanted to play for keeps and have a meaningful relationship, possibly only with my future husband.  Well, that’s what happened, but I allowed some many things to influence me and allowed that to overtake my life.  During the second semester of my senior year, I started liking this guy a year younger than and we ended up getting together.  He went to my church, I saw him as a strong Christian and a great guy.  And he was.  I do not blame him for anything that I am about to say, but honestly; we were not the best for each other.  We were together for almost two years, and because of my insecurities, I clung to him and changed my whole life for him.  It became so bad I turned against my own family and more importantly my relationship with God.  I was no longer going into ministry, and I even moved out of my house and in with his family.  Even though I was doing everything I said I would never do (clubbing, drinking, swearing, and smoking) thought I lived with my boyfriend’s family and him, we never went beyond kissing.  And I will always be thankful that he felt as strongly about that as I did, because that is something I am so grateful for that I never caved on. 

After that relationship ended, I was still in a bad place and my relationship with my parents was still bad.  During this time I was getting help, but my relationship with God was still rough.  In that next year, Kyle came back to my life (we had met three years prior) and we got married.  During the next four years my relationship did get better with God, and even though we have gone through some hardships, I strived to get back in line with God.  I had rededicated my life during this time, bur never publicly.  Once we moved to Katy, I had many opportunities presented to me to get back into ministry and I was so excited about it.  At Beach Retreat just a few weeks ago, God really spoke to me about surrendering it all and I made a commitment to, and even though I fought with Him all week about it, I went down to be baptized during the commitment service.  It wasn’t because I believe this act “saved” me again, but it was my way of saying I know the commitment I’ve made as a Christian to live for Christ, and my recommitment to be in ministry full time.

Now my life isn’t perfect…I still struggle with things, but I can tell you this, my life now compared to my rebellious years where I only lived for me is a million times more fulfilling.  Don’t allow this world to convince you that what it has to offer is better.  It is a temporary fulfillment; God’s fulfillment is eternal.  When you look at it that way, God’s way is much more desirable.  I hate the things I’ve gone through in the past, but my prayer now is that I can use that to help teenage girls find their self worth in God and not take the path I did.   That is why I have this blog.  Though I may not know every person who reads this, I love you all, because you are a beautiful creation of God and He loves you as well.  Living a life that is set apart can be tough, but is well worth it!

Pride and Prejudice

            As humans, we are generally judgmental people.  As Christians, though, we are to have a set apart life, meaning we shouldn’t fall victim to things other people do, such as judging.

           

Oswald Chamber’s stated in one of his entries in “My Utmost for His Highest” that “the average Christian is the most piercingly critical individual known.” Ouch.

           

How can that be though, since we are to be set apart from the world, and show the love of Christ?  Now, please note I am not saying every Christian is judgmental, but a lot of times, we feel because we are Christians, we have the right to judge.  We get an ego about ourselves, thinking we are above others because we know God and they don’t.  We scoff at those who commit sins that we find so horrible, or at the way someone lives their life because it’s so different from ours.  Have we really forgotten that God sees sin all on the same level, or that it probably wasn’t long ago that we were living a life of sin?

In Matthew Chapter 7 verse 1 it says, “Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging.” (MSG)

           

 Just because we are Christians, and have the Holy Spirit living in us, does not give us the right to tear down and criticize others.  God is the only judge and He uses the Holy Spirit to convict in a way that is not hurtful.

           

 As girls, I think we are extremely quick to judge.  We judge those who we think are better than us; we judge those who we think our below us.  We judge the girl who has the hot boyfriend or the latest fashion, or the girl who’s clothes don’t fit right or aren’t as thin as us.  Of course it doesn’t help that the media is constantly shoving down our throats what is hot and what is not.  We judge the girl who is known to get around in school, or the girl we know loves to party.  As young Christian women, we are not to be like others.  Just because a girl has something we want or lives a way we know is wrong, we are not the one to be their judge; unless of course we want someone to do the same to us.

(Please note that there is a difference between certain kinds of judgment: discernment and criticism.  Discernment if a whole other topic we might cover at sometime.  This is why I love The Message version of Matthew 7:1; it uses negative words like criticize and pick on.  This is the kind of judgment I am talking about.)

One of my all time favorite books is Pride and Prejudice.  I could read or watch the movie all the time.  I am a sucker for romance as I have said before, but there is a greater lesson to learn than just love from this book.  Just take a look from the title, Pride and Prejudice.  Doesn't sound very romantic.  The reason why is because a lot of the prejudice is going around.  People begin judging each other either based on one interaction, one conversation, or gossip going around town.  Its because of all these aspects, that Lizzie has such judgments against Mr. Darcy.  She allows the influence of others, and a couple of interactions with him, to create a judment about him, instead of just trying to get to know him.  How many of us have made those same judgments without getting to know the person?

We don’t know everyone’s situation.  Someone could be acting the way they are due to learned behavior, due to needing attention or love, or because no one has told them simply it is wrong.  The best thing we can do for that person is pray for them (not in a holier than thou way) and show them the love of Christ. 

           
As we have talked about in past blogs, all these little steps can help us live a life of purity.  We want to be seen as set apart from others because we have Christ living in us, and what better way to show that we are set apart than by loving those that others judge.  So I encourage you to be the girl who doesn’t scoff or judge those that our different from you, or begin the have a “holier than thou” attitude towards other.  Allow the love of Christ to shine through you.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

My husband learned a valuable lesson once God blessed us with two sweet girls.  He said, “Boys are destructive, girls are vindictive.”  I looked at him and just smiled, saying, “Sweetie, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”
Once I said this, though, my heart became sad.  As I thought back to when I was younger, and all the drama that surrounded my friends, I began to pray my daughters wouldn’t get caught up in all that.  It was one of the reasons I enjoyed hanging out with my guy friends.  If they had an issue with one another, they hashed it out and then five minutes later were best friends again.  Girls though were sneaky.  They would sometimes continue a friendship, faking their sincerity, then turn on you in a second!
All this came to mind as I was doing the first Post Quiet Time in our Silent Sounds booklet from Beach Retreat (SBC).  As Christians, I think one of the areas we struggle with is Love - especially girls.
You would think that love would be easy to convey.  We love our parents and our friends, and it’s easy to express that.  What is hard though is when we have to love someone that may be different from us, or that we don’t get along with.  This is when it is easy to express “fake” love.  
As young women, we are bombarded by peer pressure, the media, and sometimes family to join a certain group and be a certain way, causing us to look down upon others.  I remember watching a show one time that said when you “pitied” someone you said “Bless their little heart.” How condescending!
Let’s look at what Paul said in Romans 12:9-16 (MSG)

“Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.”
   
    Notice how Paul says don’t fake it.  As Christians, we are to have a genuine love that overflows from us.  I love how the message phrases this: love from the center of who you are.  If we are truly Christians, the center of our lives is supposed to be Christ; hence we are to love as He loved. Jesus turned from anything evil and clung to that which was good.  He placed others before Himself (proof when He died on the cross for our sins) and was there for them in times of joy and sorrow, even after death.  
    The world’s view tells us just the opposite. It states that we are number one and that we only should be looking out for our self, to only be around others when it makes us look god or causes us to gain.  If we want to convey true love, we must follow Christ example of love.  So what does this mean for us?  We should turn from gossip when our friends decide to start it up, even when they say it’s “to help”.  We should reach out to those who are considered “unlovable” or rejects?  When schemes to embarrass or laugh at someone present themselves, we should stop it if we can or walk away.  This is showing genuine love.  Remember, Jesus surrounded Himself with the outcast of His time and always showed love.  

    But what about someone who did you wrong?  Sometimes it’s hard to not want to retaliate or lash out in anger.  Some Christians like to refer to the “eye for and eye” verse in the Old Testament to justify their actions but clearly take this verse out of context.  Let’s see what Paul said in Romans 12:17-21 (MSG)

“Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it." Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.”

It clearly states that we are to not pay back evil with evil; no more eye for an eye.  We are to love everyone and live in peace with them.  We are not the ones to avenge someone who has done us wrong…it is God’s.  If He has taken care of everything else for us, wouldn’t He take care of this?  It’s sometimes hard to believe in this when it doesn’t happen in the time frame we have or in the way we think it should, but leave it for God to take care of.  We are not the judge.

Have you ever heard the phrase “kill them with kindness”?  Now, I’m not saying truly kill someone, or to have a fake kindness, but to truly reach out to your enemies even though it is hard to.  Once again, it may be very odd to some people, but it’s what we are called to do.  As Christians, we are to love everyone; not just a select few.  It’s hard to love those who do us wrong, but what better way to be a testament for Christ.  

Believe it or not, Jesus loved even those who wanted Him dead.  If He can love those who turned on Him, we can love those who do us wrong because Christ lives in us.

Please hear me when I say I know how hard it is to love those who are not in your group, different from you, or who do you wrong.  I struggled with it as a teen and I still struggle with it now.  Yet, this is something we should strive to do each and every day.  This is the way people can separate us from the world.This is what should set us apart.  “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." (John 13:35)  The world will know you are a Child of God by your love for everyone.

Living a life of purity involved loving everyone, as Christ loves everyone.